The following is an excerpt from a humor story I completed for Steve Harvey’s class. It was one of the most fun assignments thus far:
It terrorizes our dreams. It shoots down our ideas. It picks favorites. It ledes us into the dark world of Cyberland. In short, it is the bane of CSPA journalism students’ existence. What is this creature? It’s the printer in the newsroom at Cal Poly – San Luis Obispo, better known as Ruth.
Not only is Ruth everything mentioned above, she makes awful, agonizing noises when she inhales before deciding whether or not to print and has a rather voluptuous stature as she towers over me at Mac number five as I slave away on a story. I thought the most somber name for a printer with such a ghastly nature would be Ruth, short for (but not limited to) “Ruthless.”
I cannot tell you what I dread more at the end of class: the minute in which the instructor of each class says “time is up!” or “deadline is now!” or the infamous minute in which I am slowly inching out of my seat to make the dreadful, six-step trudge to see if I am on Ruth’s good side today. As Mel and other students eagerly surround Ruth right at deadline with anticipation, nerves shoot through my veins and prayers to Saint Ruth flow through my lips.
I understand that as journalists, we need to experience annoying technical difficulties once in a while…that’s life. But in the classroom setting here at CSPA when we are trying to master as much as we can about our craft?
Oh Ruth, don’t you see what your gentle insanities do to us?! Why must you torment us so? Don’t you know that you are our ticket to story completion and success?
We see Cal Poly’s technological guru here in the classroom on a daily basis, and as far as I’m concerned, he comes about as close to a world healer as I know. Sometimes, however, even He cannot fix the Ruth’s problems, and we are left just as stranded as we were before. For a school so advanced in the math and sciences, it seems odd that someone hasn’t formed a better printer-computer relationship for this beloved newsroom on the third floor of the Graphic Arts building on Cal Poly’s beautiful campus. It’s probably all Ruth’s doing.
Or is it just CSPA students? Maybe we are cursed here on campus because we have killed Margaret Baker Lissy and shot Rolland Nesmith through the head too many times. Maybe Ruth knew them personally and printing so many stories gives her pain and sorrow. Knowing Ruth, she probably would hold a grudge against the CSPA students for even an innocent action such as this.
Regardless, we already go through enough trials and tribulations while writing our pieces; we don’t need sass from the printer that will ultimately determine our success. I have learned many things from Ruth over the past week, one being that I think I’ll stick with the telegraph from now on. -30-