Step One To Humor Writing: Be Funny.

Welcome to the best experience of your life.  It’s name?  CSPA, Criminal System Prison Arrangements.  The plan is simple: try to stay alive.  You will be put through earth shattering quakes, placed in front of criminals, deal with mentally unstable victims, and best of all get your own group of personal lunatics.  These death troopers watch over your every move-one blink out of place and a missing persons report will be necessary.

Two mysterious disappearances are still at large: Ritika and Rebecca.  Ritika claims the day after that it felt like “knives were stabbing her throat.”  Rebecca, whose head is still spinning, had no comment.

Nicole Fisher, Saba Hamedy, James Harvey, and Matt Hanlon lurk everywhere.  Their earsplitting laughter can be heard in the dead of night.  The concern?  No one knows what could be giving such pleasure to these inhuman creatures.

You get home at 11:20 and by 11:30 the sound of beating can already be heard from those unlucky few who have not yet shut their lights off.  They like to keep you in the dark.

The first of the “four victimizers” is Nicole Fisher.  Nicole Fisher has said she “is watching.”  She has been seen yelling at students, telling them they are mean, and even accusing them of harming her imaginary son.

Wednesday at precisely 7:02 P.M. Saba was taken down. Three CSPA’ers were seen body slamming her to the ground.  My involvement as the one who physically shoved her during her game of Capture The Flag has gained me quite some popularity with my fellow inmates. Now we are all in danger.  She has informed all at CSPA that her car is a Horcrux. I’m convinced that she is Voldemort herself.

James Harvey keeps rather to himself, however it is rumored that he was the cause of yesterday’s blackout. He was the only one with the password to get the computers back on.  If this information is true, what else is he responsible for?  The killer bee that flew into Maria’s room?  Aneesa’s door that never locked?  Maybe even Gabi’s lost key?  He is capable of more than we can even comprehend. All I know is I’m staying away.

The worst is Matt Hanlon, the “senior” advisor.  Whatever he had to do to earn such respect around here, I don’t want to know. The worst thing about Matt is from afar he seems like a decent guy.  However that is simply an act, evil lurks in his every bone. After Rebecca’s disappearance he was not spotted for quite some time.  He has often been spotted yelling at the children and running them to the ground early in the morning. His pure malice brings chills to all at CSPA.  Matt Hanlon is not to be trusted.

Assignment for our first humor article on an aspect of CSPA life.  In reality the counselors are 4 of the most amazing people.