Carlee Jensen

T minus about 20 hours and counting – by this time tomorrow, I’ll probably be back in Santa Monica.

I can’t say I’m sorry to be leaving. I’ve loved CSPA, but I’m ready to go back to my life. I’m ready to be back with my family, back at my job, back in my class. I’m ready to trade in my narrow, uncomfortable bed in Lassen for my narrow, uncomfortable bed at home, and to exchange my current roommate (I love you, Hye Sun!) for my real roommate (my sister). CSPA has been like a Twilight Zone, removed from reality and out-of-touch with the world, even as we learn the business whose very job is to be in touch with the world, and everything in it.

Yeah, I’m glad to be going home. But that doesn’t mean for a second I’m sorry I came here. I think these past 12 days have been a great opportunity for me to get some perspective. This upcoming year is one of those weird, transitional times in a person’s life, when we’re expected to make major decisions about who we are, who we want to be, what we want to do and where we want to go. I thought I knew the answers to all four, but I realize more and more that there are unexpected variables. In the past 12 days, I’ve come to recognize the things that are really important to me, and to adjust my plans accordingly.

Many thanks to all the CSPA counselors, instructors and other students  – you are all amazing, and I’m extremely grateful for having had the opportunity to meet and learn from you.Thank you for making me laugh, for challenging me, and for sharing your knowledge, experiences and perspective.

That’s that, I think. T minus 20 and counting.

Stay safe, CSPA. And clean.

I’m peacing out.

Joe Biden has taken office as the new President of the United States, following Barack Obama’s resignation from office earlier this evening.

Biden announced that he will fill his vice presidential seat with former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, saying, “It’s time we had a soccer mom in the White House.”

Obama resigned amid a wave of rumors, most of which erupted following an accusation made earlier today by the Kenyan Immigrant Organization that Obama is not a natural born citizen of the United States, and that the organization had a sworn statement from a doctor who claimed to have delivered Obama in Kenya.

Other rumors, involving marital infidelity between Obama and his wife, Michelle Obama, were confirmed to have been deliberately leaked by the White House as a means of weeding out disloyal Democrats. Biden asserted that these rumors were not true.

“I know in my heart and my soul that we can continue doing the good work that we set out to do when we were elected,” Obama said. He neither confirmed nor denied any of the rumors.

Statements made earlier today by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Gen. Jon  Randall of the United States army claimed that Al-Qaida leader Osama Bin Laden would turn himself in to authorities if Obama resigned from office immediately. These statements have not been confirmed, and there has not yet been any report of further contact between Bin Laden and the authorities.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton both encouraged Obama to resign from office earlier today in light of the rumors. Both were asked to resign from office. Clinton formally resigned earlier tonight without making a statement, and Pelosi has yet to respond to the request.

Barack Obama has resigned from office amid rumors and accusations.  Joe Biden, formerly Obama’s vice president, is now President of the United States.

Biden announced that he has chosen Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska and 2008 Republican vice presidential candidate, as his new Vice President.

Rumors of infidelity between President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama were faked, part of a plan to weed out disloyal party members on Capitol Hill, according to Vice President Joe Biden.

“We deliberately leaked some of that information,” Biden said. “We wanted to see who we could trust.”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who encouraged Obama to resign amid the rumors, has resigned following the revelation.

“We cannot trust Mrs. Clinton. We cannot trust Mrs. Pelosi. We cannot trust a number of people on Capitol Hill who are not fit to serve the American public,” Biden said.

Osama bin Laden, leader of the terrorist organization Al Qaida, has contacted the United States military and agreed to turn himself in if President Barack Obama resigns from office, Gen. Jon Randall of the United States army said.

If Obama accepts and bin Laden is captured, bin Laden will spend life in prison, according to Randall.

“We feel that if he give himself up to us, then that warrants life in prison rather than the death penalty,” Randall said. “That shows a little bit of honesty. Here in America, honesty is a value that we should preach, that we should promote.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton expressed the personal belief that Obama should accept the terms and resign from office.

“Right now, he needs to accept the terms,” Clinton said.

Randall declined to disclose Bin Laden’s current location, but affirmed that he is still in contact with the United States Military.

“We fully believe that he will give himself up if Obama resigns,” Randall said.  “We have reason to believe within the United States government that Bin Laden is a changed person … he has become much more honest than before. ”

House minority leader John Boehner (R-OH) claims to have received classified documents stating that Osasma bin Laden, leader of the extremist terrorist organization Al-Qaida, has been captured and that President Barack Obama does not want him prosecuted.

Boehner claimed he received the documents  accidentally due to a malfunctioning iPhone. He said that Obama’s failure to prosecute the “lethal terrorist” provided further reason for the president to step down from office.

“He’s not doing his job as he should,” Boehner said.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) issued a statement tonight urging President Barack Obama to step down from office.

The statement was made following allegations made earlier today  by the Kenyan Immigrant Organization that Obama is not a natural born citizen.

According to Pelosi, discussions that have gone on today “in public and in private” have led her to believe that Obama must step down to ensure the Democratic party to maintain its current “momentum.”

“It’s good for the party, and more importantly, it’s good for America,” Pelosi said.

House minority leader John Boehner (R-OH) supports an investigation into President Barack Obama’s citizenship status in light of a statement made today by the Kenyan Immigrant Organization (KIO) saying there is “irrefutable proof” that Obama was born in Kenya, not Hawaii.

“There have always been allegations made, but no evidence,” Boehner said. “Now we have evidence.”

Boehner stated the belief that the Senate would vote to impeach Obama if the claim proved to be true.

“It’s truly awful if you’re not American and you’re the face of the country,” Boehner said,  “He’s not fit to lead the country if he’s not even from here.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama is stepping down from the Capitol Hill basketball team due to a knee injury he sustained last week, White House officials said in a statement today.

Obama tore the interior ligament of his knee, and is waiting for the swelling to decrease before he undergoes surgery, White House press secretary Todd Harmonson said.

The injury occurred during a game between Obama and LeBron James of Miami Heat. According to Harmonson, James “barreled into” Obama, knocking him down and causing the injury.

James, who recently announced a decision to break away from Nike and start his own line of athletic shoes, did not comment on Obama’s decision. However, in a press conference earlier today, he claimed that a major factor in his decision to start his own line was watching a player – presumably Obama – in Nike shoes sustain an injury during a pickup game.

“The president was injured because a player … barreled into his knee and didn’t care,” Harmonson said in response to James’s statement.

WASHINGTON, D.C. ­ – President Barack Obama is not a natural born citizen of the United States, according to a statement released by the Kenyan Immigrant Organization tonight which claims they have “irrefutable proof” that Obama was born in Kenya, not Hawaii.

This proof, according KIO representative Lemichael Anderson, comes in the form of a sworn statement by a doctor who claims to have delivered Obama in Kenya on Aug. 4, 1961.

White House press secretary Todd Harmonson called the accusations the work of “crazies on the loose.”

“The president has a valid birth certificate from the state of Hawaii … He is a legal citizen by birth,” Harmonson said.

Harmonson claimed the statement’s release was “cheap politics,” and implied that it was the work of Obama’s opponents trying to damage his chances in November’s election.

“This is just another tactic by an extreme fringe trying to bring down a great president,” Harmonson said.

He added that Obama’s birth certificate is available for viewing online for any skeptics.

Of the doctor who swore the statement, Harmonson said, “Something tells me he’ll be trying to sell a book soon. “