Holiness at CSPA

Whoever said Jesus Christ was dead is completely wrong.

He in fact has been resurrected for the second time in the form of Kiefer Cropper’s boyfriend. Yes, my roommate is dating Jesus Christ.

After late night chats, Kiefer revealed that her boyfriend has “under-the-boob” wavy brown hair and a full-on beard. Jesus, anyone?

When we finally managed to catch our breath after busting out laughing, the similarities were becoming freakishly more apparent.

Besides his appearance, Kiefer’s boyfriend’s name is Christopher. If you didn’t notice the CHRIST in CHRISTopher, you have other issues. But for you annoying skeptics, here’s some solidification: his middle name is Joseph.

Kiefer also joked that he likes to carry around a torch/shepherd’s crook. After some intense Facebook stalking, I started to browse through his profile pictures. And lo and behold: there he was majestically clutching a bamboo stick. Jesus had appeared on my computer screen.

I guess Kiefer’s boyfriend gets the Jesus comparison all the time. Another profile picture had him drinking a Dr. Pepper and the words “Trust me, I’m Jesus.” So it’s not just me.

The best comparison ever would have to be the fact that Kiefer is a “natural” red-head. I’m not a big religious person, so I’m going to rely on Dan Brown’s The da Vinci Code to support my reasoning. According to Brown, Jesus had a lady friend named Mary Magdalene who was a prostitute, but not really. She was more of his girlfriend apparently. Mary is described as ginger. Coincidence? I think not!

While I was expecting to have an awesome time here at the CSPA journalism workshop, I wasn’t expecting to be graced by Jesus’ girlfriend’s presence. I guess it is only appropriate that she gets to be raised to holy status on the top bunk.

The next time I find myself in a dilemma with annoying people, I will just hold up my hand and say, “Girl, please. I know Jesus’ girlfriend.”

Those who are doing un-godly deeds be warned: Jesus walks among us.